I’m a doctor.
And I missed my own mother’s cancer.
Not because I was careless. Not because I wasn’t paying attention.But because pancreatic cancer is cruelly silent, and when you’re the son, your heart gets in the way of your clinical mind.
This is the story of how my mother, Mrs. La****i age 53, died of pancreatic adenocarcinoma — and what I wish every doctor, patient, and caregiver knew.
Her First Symptom Was Just a Cough.
It started around 6 to 8 months before diagnosis. A dry, irritating cough that wouldn’t go away. Pulmonologist check was normal. Chest xray was clear. We thought it was reflux. We tried PPIs. Still the cough remained.
At that point, there were no other symptoms. Her sugars were slightly high. She had fibroids, a hernia, and a known disc issue. Nothing screamed “cancer.”
As a doctor, I followed the usual clinical logic.As a son, I didn't want to believe it could be something worse.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
By mid-2023, things escalated.
She lost appetite.
Complained of early satiety.
Started vomiting bile.
CA 19-9 was 8089.
Imaging showed a mass in the tail of the pancreas, 3.5 cm in size.
PET-CT revealed peritoneal metastases, porta hepatis involvement, and a suspicious umbilical nodule (SMJ).
The diagnosis: Stage IV pancreatic adenocarcinoma.
She started chemotherapy. Nab-paclitaxel+ Gemcitabine.
6 cycles. Partial response. The primary tumor shrunk.
But cancer doesn’t wait.
We Fought — Surgically, Medically, Emotionally
By early 2024:
There was biliary obstruction due to a porta hepatis mass.
➤ We attempted interventional biliary drainage.
The tumor had invaded the DJ junction.
➤ We performed a duodenojejunectomy and placed a feeding tube.
Splenic vein thrombosis led to gastric varices.
Her wound sites began discharging pus.
WBC count shot drastically
Ascites worsened. Breathing became difficult.
She was in pain. Yet, she stayed strong.
The Day She Died, I Was in ICU
On June 30, 2024, my mother passed away.
But I wasn’t there.
Because I had dengue. I had 103°F fever. I was shivering, weak, and attached to IV fluids.
Still, I attended every ritual. Carried her memory on burning feet. And after the rituals, I collapsed.
I was admitted to the ICU the same day she died.
What I’ve Learned as a Doctor-Son
Pancreatic tail cancers often present with vague symptoms. Chronic cough might be due to vagal irritation, reflux, or early DJ obstruction.
CA 19-9 can be a red flag, especially when sugars go out of control suddenly.
Peritoneal spread happens early — even before it’s obvious on imaging.
Even doctors miss things — especially when it’s someone they love.
Guilt is cruel — but often undeserved.
To My Amma…
You died while I was sick.But I fought for you — every day.I watched your labs. Held your scans. Argued with doctors.I was your son. Your doctor. Your warrior.
I didn’t miss it, Amma.
The cancer never gave us a real chance.
You left with my love in your veins.
And your strength is now in mine.
Why I’m Sharing This
Because someone reading this might also be trying to make sense of:
A loved one’s unexplained symptoms
The guilt of “not catching it sooner”
The pain of watching someone you love fade away
The trauma of losing a parent while being a doctor
If this helps even one family, one patient, or one caregiver feel seen, it’s worth sharing.
Please get persistent symptoms checked. Trust your instincts.And if you’ve lost someone — forgive yourself.
If anyone wants help understanding medical records, scans, or cancer reports — feel free to message us.We’re not just here to treat.We’re here to feel. To remember. To learn.
— Dr. Balaji Krishnan